Marlon Sanders

Leave a Comment about Santos’ 1st Sales Letter Here

 

 

Hi.

Im putting Santos, my Executive Director, through my Special High Intensity Training. 

He just wrote his first sales letter, about a new way to communicate to customers real time. As you can imagine, this is his first sales letter so it has some holes and some things that he didn’t think of.

So, I need your opinion. Check out the sales letter Santos wrote then tell him what you think is missing from the letter and what you would need him to add or talk about a lot more to convince you to buy.

Leave your comment here and remember to make sure that you include your full name and email address when leaving your comment so we can contact you when if you win.

Click here for Santos’ 1st Sales Letter

The top 5 comments that help out will get instant access to the product for free. The winner will be announced on Saturday’s ezine. No cost of entry, void where prohibited, restrictions apply.

Marlon

 

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68 comments on “Leave a Comment about Santos’ 1st Sales Letter Here

  1. Hiya Marlon,

    Was just wondering… were the winners announced yet because I didn't get the ezine. Not sure if it was lost in spam folder or what but I am curious as to who won a free copy of Push Button Channel for their input here?

    Thanks in advance for your response.

    All good things,

    Bonnie Gean

    [Comment from Marlon: Bonnie the winners were announced and I think posted on our blog. If you wanna know the exact winners you can post to Tim on our support desk at getyoursupport.com]

  2. I want to say that Santos videos are really good and personal.His showing the uses of the software are interesting and useful. But now we need to see what the software looks like and just how easy it is to use. I love Marlon and his products but what I have found is that the one I bought was not so simple to use. Robert

  3. Marlon & Santos

    Here's how to make the letter better.

    1. Trash the pushbutton channel and website name in the header. Just have the text. You can tell them what it is in the letter.

    2. Make this text which is in the first paragraph the secondary header:

    Discover how you can broadcast ANY message ANYTIME, ANYPLACE with an internet connection.

    3. In the first paragraph after friend, you need to create a WOW effect. Something like this: Dear Friend,

    I have an idea I would like to share with you.

    How would you like to create your own custom online television or cable like video channel or even your own cable like

    online video system with multiple channels? And be able to do it fast and easy for very little cost?

    Then you need to get the amazinng Pushbutton Channel software. But before I tell you how it works, you need to know WHY you should get this 'killer app'

    program.

    4. List the main reasons. Note the number one reason, should probably be that it will get you a high listing in Google for keywords associated with the channel – which means mega free traffic and all that that implies. Don't forget, fame and glory since everyone wants to be famous for at least 15 minutes.

    5. Then tell the folks what they can do with a push button channel …

    6. Tell people it easy to use … skip the expert wording. It's so simple to use even George Bush could use it … something like that.

    7. Tell them what it costs and then what they get for their money. And put the money back guarantee in red right under the cost.

    8. As for testimonials … skip it. Tell them it's just like 'You Tube' but much more focused and they don't have to be programming wizards to use it. Tell them Google paid a zillion dollars for 'You Tube' and if they develop their push button channel or channels, a big fish might do the same for them.

    9. Tell them a few simple ways they can use push button channel to make some money. (Note: Have Marlon make some videos for his product and make them available to put on a push button channel.) Make sure one of them is to sign up as a Marlon affiliate and use a push button channel to sell a couple of

    products and the program pays for itself

    and more.

    9. Tell them to buy, buy, buy. Restate what push button channels is, what it costs, what you can do with it and the guarantee.

    Then tell them to buy again.

    Money for nothing … but chicks aren't free anywhere.

    Fred

  4. Marlon and Santos

    A different header graphic, showing something to do with video would be good – less words on the header.

    Pre-head, BOLD, colored headline, subhead…

    More call to action, sooner

    Buy button after the 1st paragraph for those of us who know Marlon and are ready to buy

    Lower price point would be good, but maybe not necessary on the Buy Now button

    Font size changes in a few places – more white space (margins as well)

    Indents with bullet points rather than numbering

    Maybe check mark bullets for the last set

    Better description of what the product can do for me

    Use of video would be helpful – show how it works – less written copy needed

    Use of the software itself – product in action, so I know why I should have it

    Keep the product at the fore – not you 'Push Button Channel is designed for…' rather than 'I designed..'

    More about the benefits than the features

    Lose the and, and, and, and… in the box at the end

    P.S. or two

    Kind of difficult to explain all – I sent an example of what I mean to email@marlonsanders.com

    Thanks,

    Brendan Takekoshi

  5. Point 1

    At the very beginning I would have said something like, “ Dear Friend… Imagine being able to stream live video, for free, in a way that is a revolutionary step beyond YOUTUBE and other streaming video services. Now, you can broadcast your message LIVE anytime, anyplace with an internet connection, and all within a very short set up time.”

    Point 2

    The third paragraph where he talks about the cons of having an Automated system answer you calls, I would change it to something like this.

    “Don’t continue to make the mistakes other internet marketers are making. What mistakes? Having Robotic automated systems that answer their calls for them, a system that alienates and turns off customers, causing them to put up walls and be less inclined to buy from you again in the future.”

    Point 3

    Again the part where he talks about “You can use your live streaming video broadcast to..”

    I would have turned that into a question so it would look like this.

    “Wouldn’t you like to…”

    1) Generate buzz about your upcoming product launch

    2) Hold Booster meetings for your affiliates

    Etc.

    Point 4

    Next the part he says, “Normally to get live streaming video, you would have to do the following…”

    I would recommend to leave that whole part out.

    Point 5

    The next part I thought could use some changes is after he shows the first shots of how the streaming video looks, the part where he says, “if you ware thinking to yourself It can’t be that easy. I am afraid to tell you it is. I have figured out everything for you.”

    I would rephrase it to something like, “It is that easy! Everything you need to know about how to produce professional quality live streaming video that can reach more than 500 people at a time, has been figured out for you.”

    Point 6

    And finally the part where he talks about that internet marketer using this product and having almost 600 people watching.

    I would have talked more about this story. Why? Because I think it would be exciting to be able to connect with my customers live, fielding their questions, and getting them excited about my product launch. Getting them excited live like that with a whole bunch of them would create an environment where there is a feeding frenzy.

    Not only that but I wanted to know how much money did he make just from that one product launch?

    I would have said something like, “How much of a feeding frenzy do you think you could create if you were able to talk to 600 people, fielding their questions, dropping little hints, and exciting them about a product you are about to launch, at that moment, right in front of their eyes, LIVE!”

    Now that is exciting!

    Writing it in that way, I think allows the person reading the sales letter to imagine all sorts of “glorious, pleasurable possibilities” that could happen. It allows them to get themselves excited about the product.

    Point 7

    Couldn’t Find Guarantee!

    Another important point I think that needs to be made is to make it easy to find the guarantee. I had to read the sales letter 3 times before I noticed that there was a guarantee.

    Maybe a nice big picture that says, 100% guarantee, or whatever the guarantee is.

    Overall

    My first thoughts are that it was quite technical. And I think it could have used more excitement. I want to feel excited about what I am buying. I want to read a sales letter and have it excite me and have me imaging all the things I will get by buying this product. Basically, I want to see dollar signs dancing in my little head.

    I also think that emphasizing the ‘ease of use’ more would have been a good idea. How is this going to make my business easier on me, and thus easier to make Money!

    I also think emphasizing the customer relationship more would be good. Being able to build long term customer relationships.

    Oh Yeah…. Have a nice product picture!

  6. Marlon — you have some excellent feedback here. So, I'm not going to cover the same ground.

    Mostly, you've receive comments as to what's wrong with i the letter … and not too many suggestions as to how to improve it.

    You might think about narrowing to page and increasing the font size, to improve your credibility in the reader's mind.

    The headline do seem to lack punch — so here are some suggestion in the order they appear in the letter (#1,#2,#5 & #7 should be centered – with #1,#5 & #7 colored):

    Ever Wanted To Talk Directly

    To Your Customers – Through

    Your Own Video Channel?

    Well, NOW You Can! It’s Quick and Easy

    to Set Up – the Quality is Great, and

    Best of All … Broadcasting is FREE!

    Be the first in your Niche or Market to have LIVE Video Broadcasts – BEFORE your competition realise it’s Potential!

    Cost-effective LIVE Streaming Video.

    Again, my Revolutionary Push-Button method creates your Custom Video Channels – for your very own LIVE

    Video Broadcasts.

    Push Button Channel works for both Beginners and Pros!

    Imagine what you could do with your very own LIVE Video Channel?

    For ONLY $67 you get set up with your own Push Button Channel. And, if you grab (etc)

  7. I read the letter and it talks about streaming video but no where in the letter is there any video. If he knows about video why isn't he using any?

    He talks about using a webcam and doesn't give any other examples of what you might be able to use. Can a person use a flip cam or only a webcam?

  8. A quote from the sales page

    "For the first time in the history of the Internet, you now can connect with your customers in a more personal level" that to me yelled DO NOT BUY.

    Simply put I feel the sentence is totally incorrect as to the reference "For the first time in the history of the Internet".

    Example http://www.gotomeeting.com allows you to be personal with your customers.

    Santos think about the internet, the level customers relation is ever evolving to new heights on the internet.

    Had the sentence said "You now can connect with your customers in a more personal level" I would have look at it as a new product and not a skeptic.

    As I read the page I did not get the feeling I have to have this or the world would end.

    Sales letters talk about products or services but good quality products are bought not sold.

    Santos I never really got the what's in it for me from your sales letter.

    In other words "Show me the money" I need to know how the software will change my life and how I ever lived without it.

    On your sales page I saw the following missing items.

    1. No Testimonial.

    2. Only one link to purchase you need at least 5 points of purchase.

    3. A short Video.

    4. Terms.

    5. Contact Info.

    6. A Guarantee seal.

    7. A bounce item.

    8. Tech support information after all it is software you are selling.

  9. Santos made the same mistake all computer geeks make. He wrote for another geek, not the "Newby Possible Customer".

    There are those that "streaming Internet means NOTHING!"

    A better headline could have been:

    Let Your Customer See Eyeball to Eyeball

    Nowhere is it acutally explained what

    "Streamng" is. What is it about fishing for catfish???

    First explain what it is…

    Then explain the benefits….

    Bill Gates became a billionaire not because he invented anything. He simply made it easy.

    Millions of dollars of "Dummies" books have been sold because computer people do not have good writing skills.

    P.S. Just for the record Santos, many people don't even know what YouTube is..

  10. The header graphic leads me to believe this might be podcasting, but neither the graphic nor the headline tell me

    that this is so. Is it audio? Is it video?? What might it be?

    Ah first sentence of copy…it's video! Since video is so HOT HOT HOT right now, I think this should be more

    prominent in the header and the headline!

    O goody! It's a free service! I like that.

    Wait! "not a lot of internet marketers are doing this… yet." That tells me if I hurry up and take action, I can

    be ahead of the curve. That's VERY good!

    Lots of good benefits in the numbered list. "Your customers can type in their questions in real-time chat." I think

    that's a benefit demanding more attention! This is a two-way interaction, not just me preaching to my customers.

    That's very powerful and you don't see much of this anywhere outside of the IM market.

    Good barrier list. I have a degree in IT and it sounds like too much work even to ME! :)

    I really REALLY like the "Push Button" in the name. Doesn't that sound easy???

    Ooooo…screenshots…only 3 steps!! That DOES look easy!

    "I designed Push Button Channel for both beginners and experts." That means I won't outgrow the system! Great!!

    "Everything you need to know about how to produce a professional quality live video broadcast that can reach more

    than 500 people at a time without losing quality in less than a day." Needs "…" before "in less than a day." Just

    to be clearer, AND to set that part apart. It's important that I can do it quickly.

    "All you need to get started is a broadband connection, a webcam, and a microphone." Uh oh. That reminds me of #3

    and #4 in the barriers above, which weakens the barrier list and reminds me I'm still going to have to do those

    things. I don't know how you're going to get around this, though, as you DO need to tell them they have to have the

    camera and mike.

    Not only do I get the software but VIDEOS??? I love videos! and PDFs too?? (that's really my way of learning, so thanks for including them!) And not only am I getting 4 templates, more are on the way! Yipee! Sign me up!! Super talented Danny…get busy! I like that you put a name in there…it's more personal!

    And I really like that you've addressed customizing the HTML. Too many products lock you into their designs and you can't match your existing site!

    Under "Here’s what you can do" I think you really need to stress that this is a 2-way communication channel even more than you do..and…it's FREE! Almost any other live 2-way communication costs money, except maybe chat, but then they can't see you. And it's too much work! :) Flying in clients, or you flying there costs LOTS of money!

    Under "Even outside of internet marketing, Push Button Channel has many uses!" It's great you mentioned the kids/grandkids. Petcam. Employeecam. NOw I'm trying to think of other ways to use it. I can already feel the benefits and I don't have it yet!!

    Good job justifying the price. Although it's a weird price. :)

    Thank you for the guarantee and the promise of support!

    I think you should ditch the blue outline around the Yes Marlon image. It makes it look like a link when in fact you can only click on the green button.

    I really like the way you did the final "what I'm getting" points with all the "and"s. It seems like LOTS!!! "and finally" the guarantee…I can't lose! I glance down, see Marlon's real signature…and click that button!!

  11. G'day Marlon & Santos

    Great header but needs to be moved up a bit to frame the site.

    Headline too long and doesn't really identify what problem you are trying to solve for me the customer.

    Now I'm one of those baby boomers who wears glasses to read and your sales copy is way too wide and cramped for me to read effortlessly. That is I get tired moving my head and then lose my place on the next line.

    Now as it's a video product why not demonstrate what it can do via video rather than all those lists. If you want to use list say something like 9 ways to use live video in the list headline – in other words quantify it.

    Also demostrate via video how it works not just screen shots which I also find hard to read.

    "For only $65.77 you can get instant access to

    Push Button Channel, and if you grab your copy before Friday June 13, 2008, You Will Able To Join the Push Button Channel Quickstart Call."

    Above is not a convincing call to action.

    Get Instant Access to Push Channel for $ 65.77

    Join before June 13,2008 for bonus Push Button Channel Quickstart call.

    Put guarantee in some sort of guarantee graphic box to give more significance.

    "Yes Marlon box" doesn't do anything for me as a potential buyer as it's a bit daggy and needs to stand out more.

    So to me overall it is more like one of those boring manuals one gets with all the technical boring stuff that one only seems to have to wade through to solve a problem with the equipment. Not something that identifies my need or problem and tell me how buying this product is going to solve my problem.

    Good luck with yo product Santos.

    Keries

  12. we are very glad to be the part of this business mind you that am very much impress in this cary on and i woold love to introduce to you my company by the name of saarasi wgct&tsttc that sale for me that i may have alot of parten to be working together thankyou this is kandela from zambia

  13. Carlos, the first thing I'd add to this sales letter would be whitespace:

    – Break up the paragraphs a bit more — one or two sentences in most cases

    – Make your wordy sentences shorter — short, pithy and to-the-point

    – Create more space between bullet points, lists and paragraphs.

    Even with great copy, the more readable you make your sales page the more quickly your points will be made. Since many of your readers are only going to scan the page, make it easier for them to pick out the highlights of the product.

    (The last third of your sales page looks like you're getting the hang of this.)

    Secondly, make your headlines more closely match the following text. The bolded text, larger than the rest, draws the prospect in, but most often there's no related explanation to nail down your point. Don't leave me hanging!

    Thirdly, and related to the previous suggestion, tell me more about the Quickstart Call. What can I expect from that bonus?

    Of course, pay attention to spelling and grammar — you don't want to have errors distracting from the sales copy!

  14. Santos,

    Let me begin by saying that I am not a copywriter or some famous marketer. I am still a newbie in this business because I am finishing a product that has nothing to do with making money. I have studied squeeze pages, audio squeeze pages, and video squeeze pages for nearly two years while I have been developing my product.

    You are my kind of guy–a basic nuts and bolts person who doesn't appreciate a lot of hype. I find your letter interesting from several standpoints.

    First of all, your honesty and straightforward approach to your product is like a breath of fresh air. Secondly, your benefit description made me want to buy right then. Thirdly, your enthusiastic guarantee and refund policy were strong and convincing. Finally, your overall presentation is logical and well thought out.

    Now for the weak points I see as a potential purchaser.

    >Your header is almost faded when compared to other headers selling products that are not nearly as useful.

    >You should have broken your presentation with subheaders of different colors and font sizes to keep the presentation from seeming monotonous.

    >If possible, a short sample video would greatly improve the presentation.

    >You might try bullets to emphasize the benefits.

    >Possibly, it would be better just to say that the product comes complete with instructional videos and with instructional PDF documents.

    >You should have included at least two more order opportunities on that page.

    >You should have gotten two or three real testimonials from beta testers to tell how easy it is to use, not how much money they have made with it.

    >You said that there would be more templates developed. Expand this a little and show people you are trying to establish a long term relationship with your customer and not just a quick sale.

    In conclusion, I would like to say that you have great potential. You could take the internet by storm if you can modify your style just slightly and keep your personality in your presentation. Mr. Sanders is very smart to surround himself with such people. You should all prosper well, if you continue to work together.

    Michael

  15. Marlon-

    I have bought many of your products so I have become accustomed to seeing a great amount of testimonials and some "live" demonstration of how it works. This page is way too "static" to invoke the emotions that will drive me to buy NOW.

    The bulleted text is way too wordy, keep the bullets to one line and do intermittent bold to keep my attention and keep me reading.

    I believe that the product is worth the price but I didn't get a feeling that I needed to take action now…ala your dashboard products.

    The social proof i.e. what's in it for me was missing.

    Also, if I'm live streaming video shy, it doesn't compel me to "give it a try anyway…it's really simple and I'll tke you step by step through the process".

    Overall, the sales copy is so-so. If I didn't know you or the quality of your products (which I do), it would bea difficult sell.

    Walt

  16. That is one looooong sales letter. And the text is so tight, you're reading every other line before you realized….what happened??! and have to try and start over.

    Like others have mentioned, it took me a while to figure out it was not audio – it's video! Help me here, don't make me work so hard just to tell me how you are going to help me do this.

    The good thing I DID Like? The video wasn't set on 'auto-play'. But then, it didn't give me the option to watch it in action.

    This is a 'do-over'.

  17. Hi Marlon and Santos,

    A great go at a first sales letter. It isn't easy to write flowing copy that leads a reader into the buying state. Can't say I'd buy from this letter and here are some of the reasons.

    Header: too long, all bolded, nothing sttod out to catch my attention.

    Subhead: definitely need one

    Easy?? please tell my why

    Copy: too much, paragraphs too long, need indented bullets (numbers left aligned just don't stand out)

    Need bullets (not the funny symbols)pointing out the benefits

    The copy doesn't really sing out – too many words and my eyes start skimming without taking in any of the content.

    Get the feeling you are talking at me rather than to me. Need a more conversational tone. Try writing with an image of your ideal customer in mind and write as you would talk to him/her.

    All in all, pretty good. Keep going.

  18. A little too much black & white for me. I tend to like more color and graphics since I'm not much of a reader. Of course, this is probably better than I could do!

  19. Hi Marlon & Santos,

    I have 3 points:

    1. In the picture of "Need Proof" – there is a typo. "The Identity of this Internet Marketer has been Disguised for His Saftey" (Should be Safety!). Ha

    2. I don't get the $price? What is with the cents?

    3. I think a PS is missing! I look forward to reading a PS.

    Thanks

  20. My overall reaction is that the sales letter is bland (appearance), wordy and leaves too many questions about what the product is and how it works. I'm not suggesting that the letter is too long, just that it is generally written in a passive voice, which makes it wordy.

    Also, the width of the text makes it a little difficult for the reader.

    For what it's worth…here are my thoughts.

    First, jazz up the header. The blue is a little bland. A bolder blue and reversed gradation…darker on top getting lighter on the bottom…would make the white title more dramatic. Reversing the gradation would, however, require that the "headline" (Pick a Template…….) have a border and probably a white background to provide a contrast with the light of the gradation.

    The main headline (after the header) presents features, not benefits, and is waaay too long. What is/are the primary benefit(s) of live streaming video? (The benefits don't appear until the second paragraph of the body!)

    How about color for the headline and subheadlline text?

    First subheadline…too wordy. You need to be???? How about "Be first in your market to…"

    Second subheadline…ditto. How about: "Reach out to your customers on a more personal level…" ?

    Third subheadline…ditto. "Use my revolutionary Push Button Channel to create your own…

    Screen shots are too small, faint and blurry to understand…and the "photograph" mounting tags on the four corners of each distract your eye from the content. Get rid of them.

    Explain what the user is doing on each screen shot…at least well enough to understand better how easy it is to use.

    The screen shots would be a great opportunity to provide greater impact by actually inserting brief Camtasia videos instead of simply using screen shots and text.

    Fourth subheadline…ditto. "Push Button Channel is designed…" or "Push Button Channel is powerful enough for the experts and yet easy enough for beginners…"

    In the listing of the 10 step-by-step videos, how about listing the actual titles of each video? Add brief comments, if necessary.

    Ditto the 10 instructional PDFs.

    The next subheadline and following paragraphs describe a lot of important benefits. Why wait so long to present them

    Need Proof? Subheadline…how about emphasizing this more by placing it in a Johnson box?

    Next subheadline…break into two distinct statements: Get instant access for only $$$. . . . And . . . Grab your copy before (actual date and time of the deadline…do you intend midnight June 12th?).

    Make your guarantee a separate subheadline.

    I don't think you need to explain exactly how to get your refund if you are not satisfied…don't clutter the sales letter with the "trouble ticket" detail. By the way…don't put a negative phrase like "trouble ticket" in your sales letter. Assume a satisfied customer…not a refund. Just assure them that getting a refund would be no problem.

    Clean up the "Yes Marlon!" statements (wordy).

    Use Marlon's standard look for buy now buttons. Look for some other phrase than "Buy Now." How about "Get Instant Access To Your Push Button Channel Now"? Or "I Want Instant Access…..Now" ? Or Marlons' "Gimme My………..Now" ?

    Aside from these comments, it is not clear in my mind what do you mean when you say it is a "FREE service". I gather from using Marlon's other programs that I will have free access to Push Button Channel, but what about the vehicle (the connection?) for actually putting live video into use once you have Push Button Channel? Is that service available for free on the internet?

    On the positive side (finally!), Santos, copywriting is a challenge and this is a very good first crack. The elements…the points…are there. They just need to be edited and rearranged a little for greater impact.

    Good job!

  21. Hi Marlon and Santos,

    Great job for a first-time letter! I wish my clients could jump out of the gate this quickly.

    Here are just a few of my suggestions -

    1. After the first quick read, I wasn't sure if I was getting a downloadable version of the videos, too, or just the live version. I'm sure you said that, but I missed it so you might want to make it more obvious.

    2. "Recently, an internet marketer did a live video broadcast for his product launch." Was this using your product? If not, replace it with yours.

    3. It would really enhance your letter to add some testimonials.

    4. Don't forget the P.S. (second most read part of the sales letter, I've heard).

    5. Keep your tenses consistent — this sentence and you/I mixed: "It’s just like when you call a 1-800 number, I immediately."

    6. There are lots of "I"s in your sub-headlines. Do you want to change those to we or just reword?

    7. Make the photos of how it works, clickable so we can see a larger image of how it works.

    8. Break up the first paragraph/headline. Maybe with an additional color? I would like to see them centered, too.

    9. Make the whole page narrower. I was having trouble reading across the lines with the smaller font.

    10. Have someone proofread all the grammar and spelling for you (I'm sure you and Marlon left those in to see if we would catch them)! "Thats" should have an apostrophe. "Decide on your webcam, if you" is two sentences glued together. "Keeping your audience entertained" is a fragment. "much more better light" is a double adjective. "Im sorry" needs an apostrophe. "Go its it’s pretty" "If if within" "a booster meetings"— you get the idea.

    11. Watch the shortened words. What are JV recips? Screencaps should be screen captures.

    12. Instead of "is really stoked," maybe say "can't wait to get started" so it sounds less like a surfer guy?

    13. Not sure I agree with this paragraph– Before streaming video, thats what your customers got. An impersonal representation of your business. Why impersonal? Because when you see a photograph, you know its composed in some way or another. A pre-recorded video… scripted. An mp3…. edited.

    I would either take it out or move it down in the letter since it wasn't super compelling for me.

    14. What about size of the files? Video can be huge and use a lot of bandwidth. Does your product address this?

    15. What file is described below? Is this the main layout?

    ATTENTION WEB DESIGN EXPERTS: If you already have experience in Adobe Photoshop or Dreamweaver, you can tweak the HTML file

    16. You might also want to explain between the FREE part and the $65.77 part. "its a FREE service" (needs another apostophe by the way) but then at the end I have to pay?

    Hope that helps — and you really did a nice job for your first attempt!

    Best,

    Julie

    P.S. I'm just curious — did you use Push Button Sales Letters? I love how it leads me through the steps of a sales letter .

  22. First I did not read the comments so a lot of this may be already said.

    1. The headline was blah. Just did not hook me -Also need to say video and I would change the header graphic because initially I thought this would be about streaming podcasts not video.

    2. There are a few places where you use

    I in major bullets like "I have employed my revolutionary push-button method into creating your own custom video channels for your LIVE video broadcasts" make that statement about me I really don't care about you (sorry Santos you know I do like you).

    3. Not enough white space and no differentiation in items. No use of bolding, italics etc. For example you have two long lists toward the top one of which has 9 items. Using blokquotes to indent them and alternating type space or using 1-1/2 spaces would make them much more easily read.

    4. Starts to make a case for the pricing but because the whole pricing is big and bold I would skip it cause I went right to the big and bold.

    5. Nice guarantee but..

    It needs to be highlighted in some way. Looks almost like fine print especially after the big blod in 4 above.

  23. 1. Nice graphic.

    2. Headline below graphic too text dense – need to change to grab scanning viewers’ attention

    Show benefit /avoid pain. Answer their question, how’s this going to help me?

    Need to Reach Customers on a More Personal Level?

    Want to Jump Ahead of Your Competitors?

    Then LIVE Streaming Videos on the Internet Is For You

    Don’t Know How?

    Push Button Channel Makes It Easy

    3. Shorten your subheadings. Place the strongest part at beginning (English is scanned left to right) — usually a verb or adjective. “Internet” should always be capitalized.

    Produce high quality live streaming Internet broadcasts with

    Short lag time, great quality, and

    Free service!

    4. Start stronger on the next one, too.

    Be the first in your market or niche to have live video broadcasts because not a lot of internet marketers are doing this… yet.

    If wish to emphasize “need to be first,” then explain before why it’s so important to be first. Yes, should be obvious, but if the reader has to work too hard at thinking about what you’re meaning, they’ll either leave or lose your train of thought.

    5. Visually separate list from it’s heading.

    Perhaps simply indent numbered lines. Move wraparound lines to line up, not as shown below.

    You can use your live streaming video broadcasts to:

    1. Generate buzz about your upcoming product launch.

    2. Hold a booster meetings for your affiliates.

    3. Create a product about this niche and sell it to your list.

    4. Do a live broadcast of your product launch.

    5. Communicate with your high end buyers, keep them in the loop of your upcoming products.

    6. Hold coaching sessions. Your customers can type in their questions in real-time chat.

    7. Broadcast from seminars. Your customers love to know what you are up to.

    8. Generate leads! Most internet users would rather watch a live video broadcast rather than read a blog.

    9.Take care of your JV recips, do simultaneous shows and talk about each other’s product launch.

    6. Re-arrange strongest to left

    LIVE streaming video is the most effective way of reaching out to your customers on a more personal level.

    This heading fits part of letter better. What is listed next is the problem with setting up one’s LIVE streaming video. Showing the steps involved is good to enhance what the problem is your product solves, but you need to change the subheading to reflect what is under it.

    What’s Involved in Setting Up LIVE Streaming Video

    7. I’d suggest changing the section to describing the barriers to setting up, such as the steps required.

    Show need/advantages for streaming, remember to point out avoiding pain of being left behind in technological revolution, heighten awareness of problems most marketers face in setting up, and then show how your product solves those problems.

    8. Copy (as written) seems stronger as progress. Good work on showing how it works. Nice graphics; like how used photo corners and drop shadow to make screen shots pop off page.

    9. The beginning of your copy has an informal tone to it, so don’t switch to a more formal-sounding subheading in the middle. “I have employed” — sounds like Mr. Spock (Star Trek character) speaking.

    My revolutionary push-button method makes creating your own custom video channels for your LIVE video broadcasts fast and easy.

    10. Reword subheading for stronger impact.

    Push Button Channel is designed for both beginners and experts.

    11. Again, this copy gets stronger as talk about product itself. Bullets and bold on sub-subheading is good. Listings are short and easy to read.

    12. Showing uses is good.

    13. Showing uses outside of internet marketing is good.

    14. Your method of disguising the other marketer’s identity is great. Love the humorous touch. Also peaks curiosity. (I think I know who it is.)

    15. Emphasis quick action bonus portion by visually separating..

    Get instant access to Push Button Channel for only $65. 77,

    Plus, If you grab your copy before Friday June 13, 2008, You Will Able To Join the Push Button Channel Quickstart Call.

    16. Decide how to format subheadings (all caps or not) and be consistent. Wrote previous subheading both ways within same section.

    17. Suggest extension of guarantee should be stronger visually. Make it as strong as previous bonus portion.

    Summary:

    Content is overall good. Graphics are good. Describing the product is the strongest section. Beginning layout is visually dense in text. Connecting reader to why this should interest them is perhaps the weakest content section. Could make copy stronger with heading changes (shorten, put emphasis at beginning &/or end of heading lines).

    Note:

    I’ve reviewed this quickly, but then it’s first impressions quickly made (whether perception is deserved or not) by the readers that counts. Nor have I spent much time on suggested changes in subheadings. The examples are simply examples to illustrate my point of what type of change is needed.

    I was already thinking of what would be needed to add video streaming to my site. And the barriers were enough for me to not check very far into it. I would love to receive a copy of this product. Affiliate options open, too?

    Diana LaRue

    Organic Home Learning

    (having website revamped, so not including url at moment. Opportunity missed!!)

  24. My comment addresses what I think is the most basic feature lacking.

    If you are selling a streaming video product, why aren't you using the product on your sales page?

    It says you can use looped video to substitute when you are not streaming live.

    If you don't think it is effective on your own sales page, what would make me think it would be effective on mine?

  25. P.S.

    I did have one thought to improve the letter and bring clarity. Change the header graphic from a microphone to a spotlight or camera.

    "On Air," with a microphone give the impression that you are promoting an

    audio product.

  26. I like the features in the body of the letter and have the needs that are described.

    However, the tile and banners do not really grab me and suck me into the letter.

  27. What a wonderful product with a ton of potential. And a good first attempt on the sales letter. The important things is you sold me…but I really had to read the sales letter all the way through. Usually I am sold…or not…after reading the headline and opening paragraph, then scanning the balance of the page and checking the order button and terms.

    The big stumbling block for me was the confusion between the free live streaming video, and the product actually being offered. The product and what it can do for me, my business or even my family, should be the very first thing I hear about.

    Hear about, and see demonstrated with at least a pushbutton channel broadcast on loop going. That would help immensely.

    The mention of a quickstart button is very vague. What are you talking about?

    There is some serious need for editing. As a book publisher and editor myself, I'd be very happy to do a quick edit just to fix the "oh so annoying to some people" problems with sentence structure that I noticed in nearly every paragraph. I offer sincerely, gratis, no strings!

    Good luck. My customers, and my grandkids, will be looking for me to add this marvelous capability to our communications.

    Smiles,

    Marian

  28. I don't know what might be missing. If there is, I did not notice. I read the benefits and bought immediately. Even thought I could get the streaming for free, your improvement in the addition of templates I can load to my server excited me.

    It targeted my need. Looking forward to the training call.

    Thanks again

    Alice

  29. The headline could be in color #0000CC and larger than it is now for more emphasis… and center it.

    A sub-headline would help, as well – you only have 3 – 8 seconds to grab your reader. :-)

    Shorten paragraphs and add a little bolding of certain words for more emphasis. White space is always necessary for easier reading.

    Put his live streaming list in blockquotes with bullet graphics and space between the bullets (as well as bolding every other line or certain words for emphasis). Could also add a dotted line box around this.

    Same with the 'do the following' list.

    Could add more pizazz to the Push Button Channel comes with: list as well (a dotted box, bolding, etc)

    Where the longer list is… add checkbox graphic & bolding to it – name of section in ( ) (Here’s what you can do with your very own custom live streaming video channel).

    Bold every other sentence in the Yes Marlon box & have a more attractive buy button.

    Donna Maher
    http://bizunlim.com

  30. Santos,

    The letter does have a few holes in it – Make the header jump out some more – maybe change the font and color.

    The second paragraph might work better as the first paragraph reworded.

    Sounds like a lot of work to a live feed.

    Too many "and"s when you list the summary and features – could change the font, and color, too.

    Also, calling it "Dynamic Live Internet Video Broadcast Channel Creator" – sounds like some techie name from the Federal Communication Commission (FCC).

    Of course, you then call it "The Pushbutton Channel" which is not consistent. This is new technology for most people (for me, that is!) – introduce it with one name but then just stick to Product name throughout – the reader might go somewhere else to see if another site is offering something similar – "Bargain Hunters, aren't we all!"

    Why not your own video or demo? – granted maybe it wouldn't be live.

    You're communicating about a visual technology, using sales letter – with the same color, font, no background colors on the page. You have an example of someone else using this technology. It might be better if you are shown using the technology. What's to prevent me from contacting this person to find out how they learned to use it? Or, just how easy it is to use?

    In fact this could be your way to get people to act without delay – maybe you would have a live demo/ webinar on such-and-such date. Your letter makes the technology appear very complicated to use.

    There is a lot more – But let's jump to the close – Can you order through Paypal, Visa, Mail a Check,etc.? What is your address? Privacy statement, income disclaimer, etc…and the frame around the summary page – like a photo or some sort of certificate. But a certificate with a bill attached to it – is no award. It's an education: Once bitten, twice shy!

    And of course, there are the bonuses. But I think in this case. Tech Support might be the real bonus. But maybe a list of your suppliers for webcams with tutorials for Webcams and PDFs – etc. What else will the buyer need for this product? Is it so simple to use I could watch T.V. and do it, or will I need a Tylenol? P-A-I-N translates R-E-F-U-N_D. And there's no FUN being in the RED

    Santos, the bottom line is you wrote a Sales Letter. Hooray, for you! You can only get better. I thank you for allowing me to learn with you.

    All the best,

    james a

  31. Copywriting is a skilled job, he shows promise but it needs work.

    The haeadline is poor.

    I would suggest that he consider who he is selling to and what it will do for them in terms of "benefits". Too much text is taken up expaining streaming video etc when internet marketers are fully aware of what that is.

    We need to know quickly that this is revolutionary and will increase sales for us, make us money etc

    So what makes this better than anything else eg sticking up a camtasia video on youtube and get to that quickly.

    Hope this helps.

  32. Hi Santos,

    I spent a few minutes on the first 250 words or so because

    if people aren't drawn in by then, they'll click away. I

    made a few changes "in place" to streamline or punch up the

    copy. I tried to tie the phone answering machine analogy to

    what you're selling… but by then I wasn't clear what that

    is.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    For the first time in Internet history, you now can

    personally connect with your customers to (Big Benefit need

    here). Now, as an Internet user, you can produce your own

    high quality live streaming Internet broadcasts that load

    FAST. The quality is great, and best of all its a FREE

    service!

    Dear Friend,

    You have never been able to do live streaming video like

    this before, for free. It’s a revolutionary step beyond

    YouTube and the other streaming video services.

    Now, you can broadcast your message LIVE anytime,

    anyplace via your Internet connection – with very short

    set-up time.

    In the past, you have been limited to a one-dimensional

    photo that is usually unflattering. With live streaming

    video, you can establish a deeper relationship with your

    customers.

    When you answer their questions in real time, you add

    that important human touch to your business. The

    Internet is changing. Internet users are getting smarter.

    And they're looking for someone interesting – a real person

    they can relate to. When your customers are comfortable

    with you, they're more likely to read your emails…

    they'll more likely buy your products… and increase your

    income.

    Remember?… When you call a 1-800 number you're frustrated

    when some phonemail robot answers your call. There’s no

    personality… no personal connection. You want to slam the

    phone down because you know there’s no way that *#&*@

    answering machine can answer ALL your questions.

    Typical Internet "service" is similar to those frustrating

    robot phone systems. Before streaming video,

    …yada…yada…yada…

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Mike Hayden

  33. You're not Marlon. From the get go it's obvious. Introduce yourself and tell me WHY it's you and NOT Marlon.

    Copy's too busy and no hook. Without Marlon's intro I wouldn't have read it beyond the first few lines.

    FREE… yeah right!

    You would have hooked me several paragraphs in, IF I were interested. I'd put a "I'm convinced" buy button somewhere near the top. I'd want to cut through and find out HOW MUCH?

    If you're pushing video… Why aren't you using video?

    Too long, too boring, too bland.

    I don't want people talking to me when they're eating breakfast. If your communication is important enough to do, it's important enough to do correctly.

    You didn't enroll me into your pitch. Sorry.

    Dan

  34. Hi Marlon and Santos,

    The idea of asking the crowd is really nice. I got a lot of info from the others people even for myself :) and my next letters.

    I think, that both of you know where is the places, with you have to develop:

    - tooooo long headline

    - only black color

    - whole page is quite dark

    - where is yellow places with good text

    - where is PS, with catch

    - everything is set to the left side (where is good catchy headlines, center on the page)

    - at the end it looks not proof (on Mac Os) because Marlon signature is on different color then background

    - everything looks like somebody made it within checking and do it fast

    Basically I know that this is good idea to get all of us on your Blog, but nevermind, I like your stuff Marlon hehe :) and thank you so much for a lot of inspiration!

    P.S: Good luck Santos (if there is any Santos there ;)

  35. Good job, Santos! I believe you and I are one the same level right now. Although back in the 1970s and 80's I raised a family of five with my 'sizzling' copy (before I sold my Consultants National Resource Center to my good friend Lew Williams in Texas–he knows Marlon I believe), I find it very difficult these days to explain concepts–especially my own! One really gets 'out of shape' if you don't write copy regularly! So, for what it's worth from an Internet Klutz, Santos…

    HEADLINE

    Try to focus on ONE idea. Try to get a $ or money-equivelent "This single piece of software can bring XX to your customers–" Put Our Video Customer Relations Tool To Work So that your Customers Never Forget What you Are Doing For THem. (I like to put caps on each word–well, I used to anyway).

    Test different fonts and sizes with that cap on first word.

    Subhead? Is there a subhead that will focus your point more forcefully in stratching their itch?

    Homework: I used to write 50-100 headlines–sometimes to 200+ before I ventured forth…and usually tested what I thought were the top three and the 'worst' two. (My ego was often surprised and deflated more than once!) What you have heard about headlines is very true. We used to change an ad's headline pulling 7/10th to 1.1 times ad cost to have it bring in 3.1-6.6+ times ad cost–and not change a single word of body copy–even though there were mistakes in the body copy! That's how important your headline is.

    Center Heads–Lots of opintion about this one, but on top of Capitalizing each major word in a head in the body of the letter, I like to center it. And try to make the headline declare a benefit or a question.

    Salutation: Name the people you are trying to reach, "Dear Frustrated Website Owner" Dear Online Marketer, etc.

    Body Copy: I like margins–wide margins. I used to kid a now-famous (or infamous)book publisher who wanted me to publish his book, that he used every square inch on the page, that he squeezed margins just like they were pennies. Although his books were good in content, I only met one person in all the years I knew him (he asked, but I would never work with him)who actually read one of his works from cover to cover.

    Body Copy: I like underlining the 'headline between thoughts' myself, Santos. It's a personal thing, but I try (make that tried as in old days!) to only go halfway across at the most on the paragraph/thought breaks.

    I also like to indent paragraphs. It just breaks up the text so the eye can follow it easier.

    Body Copy: Bullets instead of numbers for the first set. Gets too tiresome for the reader. And always INDENT the bullets (as Word already has default)

    OFFER–Santos, because I know diddly squat about what you are offering, I'm just sticking to your copy instead of focusing in on strategic presentation and use of tactics therein!

    Proofs and Testimonials–I like the way you have the proof items, Santos. And as this is your first draft, I'm sure you caught the instances were you promised "10" benefits and only numbered 7 and promised '4' benefits and I only saw one. (I might have missed the others, though.)

    Signature block–Again, I like a person's real name. And the 'Sincerely' line should be 'yours for increased customer involvement' or 'yours for intiment customer relationships' etc.

    You can use your first two names–as two of my acquaintences have–Remember 'Paul Revere and the Raiders? You were probably too young, but everyone who remembers Dick Clark and The American Bandstand remembers them. The band came from my neck of the woods in Boise, Idaho. Paul Revere Dick was his real name. He was a barber in Boise. Another was Ted Nicholas. Everyone knows the "How to Form Your Own Corporation Without a Lawyer for Under $50" book that was an ad in every airline magazine it seemed. I did some work with Ted for a few years and it was only after six months I noticed his staff calling him Nick. His was Ted Nicholas Petersen. So your first two names are fine.

    Post Script–I ALWAYS had at least one PS, sometimes several, on every sales letter. I know it may be trite, but often the PS really IS the main thing folks read after reading your headline!

    With a PS you need to re-state your main benefit, fear of loss or whatever itch the customer may have to scratch.

    Whew! Well, that's all I have time for, Santos. I don't want to get TOO carried away! I really am NOT vying to win Marlon's contest, I just have some time and want to pitch in w/my 2 cents worth. The last time I wrote any serious copy was when I still owned the National Association of Business Coaches which I sold in 2002!

    Say, as I am an Internet Klutz, there may something you or Marlong could help me with.

    My website, http://www.TentmakersNetwork.org is a new ministry idea that a friend of mine, an industrial plumber yet, set up for me to build the Content as he sees the need to support Christians owning a business. I've got the site about half finished but my friend made it 'live' so that "I would not procrastinate" in getting it populated.

    I would like to get some feedback on this site if you have the time!

    Best regards,

    Steve Lanning
    http://www.TentmakersNetwork.org

  36. Hi Santos! Welcome to the world of copywriting!

    How about making your current "heading" a sub-heading…

    Start with a different (short) attention grabbing main heading like:

    TALK TO YOUR CUSTOMERS WHILE EATING BREAKFAST EACH MORNING…

    Break your sentences up into quick reading phrases almost.

    Use LOTS of color to bring your copy to life.

    Different copy fonts will automatically help break things up as well.

    Sometimes long copy is best, but for this product, you can probably shorten it considerably and still maximize sales.

    I would give my buyer a chance to purchase several times throughout my copy.

    Don't make them read all the way thru or have to scroll to the bottom in order to buy.

    Internet buying is impulsive and if you hit my "hot button" in paragraph 1, let me grab the product then.

    Don't distract me with other reasons to buy that might end up making me forget why I wanted to buy in the first place.

    Use bullet point format such as a * before each benefit vs numbers, and spread things out more.

    Numbers worked well for your "steps".

    Clean up your copy grammatically. (Correct spelling and punctuation errors.)

    If this is not a strong area for you, hire a proofreader :-)

    Since you're breaking things down and explaining "step by step", you should probably go into more detail about webcams.

    (Remember you said this is for newbies as well as the more experienced.)

    Since it is a *new* product you might offer a BONUS for fast action or a reduced price for the first 100.

    Looking forward to the next "rough draft"!

    Best Regards,

    Marge R

  37. It is a good letter but service does not

    stand out.If I can make video for free, and I can.If I can distribute video for free,and I can (TubeMogul.com)why would I pay you to do that through your service.I think, this product is good but should have something more, …like SEO feature that shows you how to optimize your video or keywords.This is for total newbies online who don't know anything about marketing by using videos.I don't have a feeling that this service is exclusive in any way.Ask yourself, why would I buy this from you,what is special about it.Work on your title a bit.Red color is better for grabbing attention. I didn't have an the urge to buy it.Emotional one.

    Good luck Santos

  38. Thought this was about audio at first and almost left immediately but since it is Marlon's offering I scrolled down. Obviously that is the most glaring problem that needs to be fixed; the headline and graphics.

    After reading thru the sales page I was almost sold except for two things:

    One of your bullet points actually became a negative for me. This one:

    2. Video Lighting Tips

    My reaction was, "I'll bet it will be a pain to set up the lighting I'll need."

    I would either leave this point out or create a video showing how easy it is.

    The second thing is that I thought the price was too high for basically just a template.

    Best of Luck,

    Ellery
    http://www.ArticleExplosion.com

  39. Hi Marlon,

    FIRST:

    The headline doesn't specifically speak to me. What I mean by this is, one of the sentences says: "Internet users are now able to produce high quality live streaming Internet broadcasts."

    If he wanted me to sit up and pay attention, he may want to say something like: "Now You Can Produce High Quality Streaming Broadcasts With Ease!"

    I'd like to think the letter is being addressed to me personally and not an entire group of readers even though this is the case. I want him to make me feel as if he is personally talking to me.

    — * —

    SECONDLY:

    Consider adding a highlighted introductory line, followed by a headline of a different color (AKA: red), and then a subtitle in black.

    Similar to this:

    Attention:

    To Business Professionals Who Want To Start Their Own Live Streaming Broadcasts.

    You're About To Learn The "Secrets" The Gurus Aren't Telling You About How To Produce *FREE* High Quality, Live Streaming Broadcasts, At The Push Of A Button!

    "Give me a moment of your time and I'll share how simple it is to produce your own Internet Radio Show that captures tons of targeted listeners and turns them into raving fans!"

    — * —

    His subheading states: "You need to be the first in your market or niche to have live video broadcasts because not a lot of internet marketers are doing this… yet."

    I would instead, call this (Secret #1: This Highly Effective, and Easy To Use Tool, Will Help You Crush The Competition!

    Why?

    Since my TOP headline hints at getting the "Secrets" I would then try to figure out a way to incorporate Secret #1, Secret #2, etc.. for all the titles introducing each section of the salesl etter.

    Or maybe hint at the fact that the "Early Bird Gets the Worm!"

    That's how I usually think. :)

    His subheading: "The most effective way of reaching out to your customers on a more personal level is through LIVE streaming video."

    Would attract me better if it said:

    "Secret #3: Here's How To Make Tons of Business Friends Who Know, Like, and Trust You… All Within Your First Broadcast!"

    FACT: sales are a given when the savvy entrepreneur aims at building relationships first. That's why a live Internet broadcast is your ticket to high profits…. etc :)

    — * —

    THIRD:

    He is missing his credentials. In fact, he doesn't even explain whom he is or why he's qualified to sell this information. What makes HIM the expert?

    Why should I listen to him over someone else that is offering the same type of training?

    Does he have a proven track record? If so, what is it?

    — * —

    FOURTH:

    What are the benefits of using his Pushbutton system over doing this by myself?

    1. Will I immediately increase awareness for your products, programs, services and website?

    2. Can I avoid wasting valuable time, money, and effort trying to figure out what works and what doesn't?

    3. Does this allow me to educate my listeners with ease so I can become the source of information they rely on and respect?

    Well… you get the picture. :O

    I need to hear these things, if they're true. Hit it home with the benefits and deliver them earlier in the sales letter. Otherwise, I'll click away before I even get to them because the sales letter doesn't DRAW me in to read more. I want to know, What's in it for MOI?

    — * —

    FIFTH:

    Text needs to be broken up by using different color subheadings. I'm half blind — seriously! I have a hard time reading the words if all the text is the same color. Stress the Secrets within the subheadings by using a different color (AKA: red).

    — * —

    SIXTH:

    Summary of what I'll get with the package?

    He says:

    10 Full Instruction PDF’s. Push Button Channel also has comprehensive step-by-step instructions with screencaps, arrows, an in an easy to read layout: Here are some topics that these full instruction PDF’s reveal:

    1. The Recorder Interface

    2. Video Lighting Tips

    3. How to start Your Broadcasts

    4. Where to find your embed codes

    5. Microphone Tips

    6. Webcam Tips

    7. How to integrate Twitter to your video channel

    Could he expand on this by summarizing what each PDF will teach me?

    Example:

    1. The Recorder Interface

    Become a quick study PRO with this guide. I'll reveal how to get the most from your broadcasting interface by tweaking it for optimal recordings.

    2. Video Lighting Tips

    This simple 1,2,3 blueprint reveals how to eliminate shadows and prevent CAM glare to produce high definition, studio-quality video.

    and so on for the rest listed.

    — * —

    SEVENTH:

    The subheading: "Here’s what you can do with your very own custom live streaming video channel."

    These sound like benefits, which I would insert about the "Here's What You'll Get In This Package" part — so it's closer to the beginning of the sales letter (and after the credentials portion).

    In fact, the subheading to introduce the benefit section could read: "How To Become a Niche Celebrity"

    Explain what you're going to reveal to them that will make them be regarded as a Niche Celebrity by their listeners, and follow that up with the "Here's the benefits of using my system"…. followed by "Here's a summary of what you'll discover:

    For Example:

    How To Become a Niche Celebrity Using Live Streaming Broadcasts

    I'm going to reveal my simple Push Button Channel secrets to you. They work like a charm, 7 days a week. They work for me and I know they will work for you.

    It's not theory… this is the REAL deal. I'll give you everything you need to know, to make this system super simple for you to get started.

    Here are the benefits of using my system:

    1.

    2.

    3.

    4.

    Everything You Need – All In One Package!

    Here's a summary of what you'll discover:

    1.

    2.

    3.

    4.

    5.

    I put all these secrets into my new product called:

    The Push Button Channel… etc.

    In Summary, here's what you'll receive:

    (Then list each part in a box, with an image showing what it looks like.)

    Follow this with the price of the package, the guarantee statement, and any bonuses to make the package more enticing before asking for the order.

    — * —

    REMOVE:

    Normally, to get live streaming video; you would have to do the following:

    1. sign-up with a live streaming video provider (preferably free).

    2. Find a provider that has live chat.

    3. Decide on your Webcam, if you have a Mac there’s already

    Those are a lot of the same barriers

    => Get rid of this part… it isn't necessary to go into this much detail.. Just simply state: "I can guarantee if you can follow my easy directions, you'll have this system up and running LOTS faster than doing it on your own."

    Or something similar… and I would state this immediately after you introduce the Push Button Channel and before the "In Summary, here's what you'll receive:" portion.

    — * —

    He has a great amount of good information in his sales letter… but with some section tweaks, removing bits here and there, and adding product images — it should be a great seller.

    Good luck!

    All good things,

    Bonnie Gean

  40. As the recipient of too many sales letters obviously done with the same template, I was delighted with this one. It wasn't screaming at me with bold BUY NOW links every paragraph, I didn't have to scroll through 20-30 testimonials that were obviously requested and totally distracting. Benefits were calmly and efficiently stated and (Hallelujia) the price was clearly indicated.

    Your sales letter stands out for me as one above the noise. So many of the others are such a turnoff, I trash them as soon as I get them. I read this one and will take action.

  41. The beginning is misleading, as it advertises this or a service as being free.

    After that it leads immediately into selling me something. What am I buying? I thought the service was free? ( I know what the service is, but some may not, and this could turn them away)

    Also, since it's a template, give us a live preview of a page made with the templates, maybe even a video of how easy it is to create a page using these templates.

    Honestly, I think the sales page is too long for promoting a video service. Include some videos! At least one, and a live demo of the page.

    You could then list the benefits and all the other stuff, but in my opinion there are too many words and not enough graphics or other elements to break it up.

  42. Some quick tips:

    Filled with many more features than benefits.

    IN the beginning tells me about access to livestreaming video … I don't even know

    why I need it, or what it does for me …

    until 3/4 of the way through the letter.

    I also need a story, to suck me in.

    It's just "feels" beginnerish — like someone who hasn't made money from the product yet, but is hopeful.

    I hope this helps,

    Keith

  43. Well there are 2 different ways you can approach this I feel. But then again, I am in no way an expert. For the headline – What’s the benefit? If I never heard of this feature before, what’s the benefit to draw me to it to make me want to read and then purchase it? The Headline is not exciting enough. This is supposedly happening for the first time, right? Something like -

    New Service Forces Your Prospects Into Revealing What They Really Want From You To Turn Them Into Eager Buyers…And Best Of All… IT’S FREE!

    “What is this new free service?” you say? Well it’s called Live Video Broadcasting and it has even more impact producing results than mentioned earlier if you want the ultimate tool to connect with your audience on a more personal level.

    That's my first approach. The second one would be…

    Announcing…

    The Ultimate FREE Tool To Connect With Your Audience For Greater Results!

    You Are A Click Away From Producing Products & Services That Are Begged For…Creating A Frenzy For An Upcoming Launch… Holding Results Producing Meeting & Coaching Sessions…And Much, Much More!

    This is just my view from a customer outlook to sell myself. Hope it helps.

  44. Hi Santos,

    In my humble opinion, here are some things that I see…

    1) Your heading?, in the box with the title doesn't tell me that I will be in on a ground breaking technology that will get me one step closer to the realm of money-making websites by choosing your product. It just says that I'll be ready to broadcast on the internet.

    2) Your first paragraph(maybe this is your heading?) is not catchy, the line about-"it doesn't have a lot of lag time", made me think of the videos I've seen that start and stop and start and stop and I end up leaving because it takes too long to view them. Not sure if that's an issue with IE or my system but I don't want to produce a choppy video that takes forever to view. I also thought that highlighting it was a waste because it wasn't compelling or making me sit up and take note. You kind of lost me there because I got the impression it may not be professional enough.

    3) Personally, there were way too many words crammed from one side of the page to the other. I would much rather read something that I have to scroll down for a mile but have very few words on each line.

    4) I felt the beginning should have really caught my attention and tell me why this kind of technology proves to be a factor in conversions or visitors or something that would equate to more money for me.

    5) No testimonials

    6) Where's the example of an actual video stream?

    7) What about satellite internet users?

    8) I thought in copy we were supposed to compare apples to oranges, not apples. Someone might have a similar type product and because people are always looking for a deal, they might find a difference in your comparisons.

    9) The borders you used on your pictures reminded me of the scrapbooking niche and not professional internet marketing.

    10) Your Bonus call didn't really make me think I'd be stupid not to buy this just for the bonus. What about the call will give me an edge that anyone else buying this after the deadline won't have?

    11) I thought your deadline was too far out and not exciting enough to make me buy now.

    Whew! I feel like a jerk now but I'm sure Marlon will let me know where I'm wrong as I'd like to know if I'm way off base because I want to improve also.

  45. The letter is very wordy..recommend a few more phases of editing..

    the headline too long.

    you may even change the url to

    pushbuttonbroadcasting.com

    pushbuttonwebbroadcasts.com

    pushbuttonewebbroadcasting.com

    the headline has too much grandiose verbiage..tone it down to reality..the "first time in history"..

    add any testimonials

    I would start with the headline. 4 bullets that are the MAIN reasons for using your solution followed by details of the 4 main reasons. People scan initially and if hooked in, read/scan the details

  46. The first thing I had a hard time getting over is the title. It needs to be better copy, better graphics wise, and I think a little shorter.

    The overall theme of the sales letter needs revision. It looks like crap. Same fonts, same color etc. change it up. make some of the sub titles stand out.

    Quite numbering everything use some bullets and put it into a bordered form to make these stand out arrow pointing to them something that draws attention to your persuasive reason to join.

    I would use a video like so many of your other launches to help explain the product gets higher rankings and also draws more traffic.

    Needs some copy below Marlon's name like a p.s or something since most people will scroll by the copy to the bottom for the price. Something that forces them back up the page. With that said I would like to see the price higher on the sales page (currently you can scroll to bottom and see it in the green box and make it easy to decide without reading a word) and the guarantees, testimonials and other copy below it in a different box. Make the price a little more hidden to draw the reader into the letter more.

    that's what i would change on the first go around and then look to do more revisions after this.

  47. Dear Santos,

    I can tell you invested lots of thought and energy in your sales letter, but I'm sorry to tell you that I wouldn't have gotten past the headline because there's nothing there for me — no reason why I would want do create streaming internet broadcasts.

    You need to answer the age-old questions, "What will this do for my bottom line?" Otherwise, the features you have included (great quality, free service, reduced lag time, easy template creation) have no meaning to me. So how will this service improve my customer response? I want proof, not just features. And proof to me is not some other marketer's response.

    If this way of reaching customers is effective, then show me. What you've got in this sales letter will be of interest to me if and ONLY IF you've already grabbed me and said, "Here's a super easy way to improve your sales and grow your list."

    Otherwise, I'm out of here.

    Best wishes for a great sales letter!

  48. Hi Marlon:

    My first impression is that Santos' headline is too long and does not persuade me to read any further. A shorter headline that basically highlights the key benefits of the product would definitely have more impact. The headline could also benefit with the use of highlight colour (for example FREE in red).

    The text after "Dear Friend" is telling me what I have not been able to do, not what is possible. I believe that everyone wants a picture painted of the possibilities and the benefits rather than be reminded of what they can't do now. If Santos would like to emphasize the pain associated with what can't be done now, he could ask key questions (3 maximum) which gets the reader to answer them and create a feeling of pain which his product can definitely resolve.

    Again, a lot of his benefits are buried within the text. These could be listed in point form to make it easy for the reader to see and internalize.

    He talks about Live Video Streaming, but nowhere on the page is video utilized. Use of a video demo would be helpful – maybe even a video introduction by yourself would be helpful.

    The Guarantee is buried in the text – needs to be more visible.

    The bolded text that is used for emphasis should be centered to be more effectively read. In addition, any extras should really be highlighted e.g. "SPECIAL BONUS – Grab your copy before Midnight on June 13, 2008 and receive exclusive access to the our Push Quickstart Training Seminar".

    So there it is –

    - improve the headline,

    - increase the use of bulleted lists,

    - Use coloured text and images for emphasis

    - Use sub-headlines to guide the reader through the text

    - use questions for impact

    - focus on the benefits of the product

    - Highlight the guarantee

    - Highlight the Special Bonus

    - Use Video

    Hope this helps me to win a copy, Marlon. :-) Looks like it's a great product.

    Cheers!

  49. First off Santos should read some of your Red Factor material, Marlon. Black on white, for the whole page is boring…needs some color and spark. Does not suit your name on the bottom. How about a big red button that states loudly "1st Time On The Net", or "Never Before Available"….instead of text

    Who can do it? Internet users…YOU can do it!!!

    How much is "not a lot"? Takes less than a split second lag to have the mouth move and then the sound come or vice-versa

    The features in the headline should stand out more and not just be part of the text. It's way too long too….get to the point!

    The numbered lists are not effective and do not 'entice' enough to read the whole thing….gets too blah, blah. The numbers are not visually pleasing either.

    Now about the spelling/grammar…I know about 'writing as you talk' but there are some grammatical errors that are 'harsh' to the ear and mind (i.e. "in a more personal level" would sound better using "at" (at a more personal level ) or using "space" (in a more personal space ) or "in a more personal way"…take some more time to proof-read aloud, Santos

    The lead-ins to the lists could be 'emphasized' for those of us that skim…sure we see the big black letters..well already mentioned that.

    "You can use your live streaming video broadcasts to:"? How about "Here's What You Can Do With It" (different color perhaps)

    Hey, a change in font might add some zest/life to this letter!

    Hey Santos, Marlon is known for red so change the order button too.

    Well that's all from me…

    Doug

    P.S. These are all just minor things Santos, it's actually pretty good for the 1st time and I see you undercut the price too; thanks for that!

  50. Marlon,

    I think that the letter is missing a STRONG headline. The headline is ok but it doesnt compel me to want to go in to read further. It should capitalize on the fact that it product is the next best thing in the industry next to YOUTUBE and if you dont get it now your will be left in the dust.

    The second thing that I thought that I letter should use more bonuses to sweeten the deal. For example, add more mini reports or additional free tools to enhance what you could possibly do with this product. If a buyer see more value of the bonuses which is greater than the cost of the product. You should see this product fly off the shelves!

    The benefits should be placed toward the top of the letter instead of the features because most people want to know "whats in it for me" and how will it enhance my business to make me greater profits!

    Finally, I think that the scarcity factor of knowing that there may be a limited supply of this product will be offered for a short period of time will cause more people to want to get the product NOW before its too late.

    Overall, for the first try, Santos letter is pretty good.

    Hope this helps!

    Jirard von Washington

    P.S. OOO makes sure that in this letter you write it in a style that is conversational as if we are friends and you are speaking directly to me… and tell me how this product will solve any "pain" or "problems" that I may have with my business…

  51. I just love ads that say 'free' and then want money at the bottom. I scanned down to the bottom and didn't bother with the bulk of the copy! Just hit delete! I realize this technique works. Just not for me. I might have been more intrigued with an offer thta promised "for less than you think", "at a price everyone can afford". Trite, but more honest. To consider a program or on-line purchase, most people need to trust the offer and the sender. A quick put-off kills that trust.

  52. Hi Santos,

    Please don’t take this personally, Marlon set you up so here goes.

    I didn’t get past the header. It’s rather washy for my taste. The sub heading needs to be picked up a bit. You could drop the white outline which would make the black letters stand out more on the light blue background.

    The next thing I would do is increase the indent on the whole page, it doesn’t matter what you have to say, tired eyes will not read it if it looks too difficult.

    In the heading bring up the first sentence a point or two above the rest of the paragraph and bold it “ TO GIVE IT EMPHASIS” you could add a colour her, leave the rest of the paragraph as a sub headline.

    Your next headline “You need to be the first etc” Pick a colour, any colour and stand it out a bit more. Then I would indent the numbered items a little more than the rest of the page and emphasis the numbers,, perhaps with colour, I notice some are using big ticks but they don’t appeal to me.

    I would continue that theme down the page.

    You have to cater for the skimmers. I get heaps of emails each day trying to sell me something. The headline at least has to get my attention. Then I skim the page looking for points of interest. If you haven’t got me by about halfway down the page, the game is over.

    Your page looks like something a law firm would send me, and they scare me.

    The video layout is ok.

    Finally.. you haven’t looked me in the eye and asked me to buy. Don’t take your eye of the customer for a second. He’s standing there with his mind made up just waiting for you to tell him he has to have it and you have to tell him toBUY IT NOW!.

    This is an abridged version of my ideas.

    Cheers,

    Milton

  53. I am an English teacher, not a copywriter. I studied copy writing to write my own letters

    The first thing I would do is use bigger print and have more white space, so the reader's eyes don't get tired. Use different colors and fonts to make important points stand out.

    Headline: "Communicate ON a more personal level"

    Prar.2" "has personality and is someone"

    Make this into 2 sentences.

    "read your emails, buy your products and make you more money."

    Para 3: you immediately get turned off

    para 5: "only a few Internet marketers"

    Para 6: USE BULLETS; "recips" do people know this term?

    Para 10: "But, I have your solution"

    Para.11: This sentence makes no sense. Write how you created software to help customer.

    Screen captures are 1 papa.

    Para 14.: "Everything … make this into 2 sentences.

    10 Step-by-Step put all 10

    10 "full instruction pdf's, use "comprehensive step-by-step" so it doesn't sound like a lot of reading.

    I like the box instead of P.S. and P.P.S

    Personally, I have a webcam. I have to stand right in front of it for anyone to see me. Are there better ones for more money that turn or have a wider angle? Do you recommend good, easy to use equipment in the pdf's?

  54. There was not a true attention grabbing headline and the headline was too long. There was not a strong call to action. There should be bonuses offered.

  55. My first comment is that its overhyped. It might be the 'first time in internet history' but I did feel I was being beaten around the head with that – and I was confused by the 'free' streaming concept…that I had to actually pay for.

    in fact it says at the beggining 'The quality is great, and most of all its a FREE service!' – so am I buying software, the rights to use the 'free service' or both?

    If a confused mind says 'no' then I'm out the door already.

    There aren't many 'action' words. There's a weak call to action, but it hasn't been monopolised effectively – I'd like to KNOW why its groundbreaking, and why that's important to my success.

    I honestly do not believe in your 121 day garuantee. Its almost too good to be true – and that makes me very concerned. I didn't see it referenced by a reason for its length – is there a reason you're offering a four month garunatee? is it a beta product? :)

    As a freelance copywriter, I know these seem odd things to pick at, but they are what jumped out at me.

    As a slight sidenote – your 'link to this blog call' – I won't and other bloggers won't cause you're not using permalinks on your wordpress blog. I don't affiliate, even for pay with anyone that doesn't use wordpress with permalinks switched on – its just a waste.

  56. Overall, not a bad letter. I would recommend that he use italics on areas where he wants to really draw attention, it works almost like a PS to capture attention. A few points could be accentuated by doing this, creating more interest in key areas.

    There are a couple of areas that are clunky due to redundant copy. This one in particular

    "A couple quick questions…

    Let me ask you this, if you have a professional designer design a template for you and create it in 24 hours, how much would it cost you? "

    This slows the tempo down and makes the letter seem artificailly chatty.

    I also would make the screen shots clearer. You can't see what they are, and what it really looks like.

    Thos are my quick and dirty comments. I would love to be a tester of the product, and we could certainly JV on this….

    Rob Trube

  57. Hi Marlon,

    The headline is to long and cluttered.

    All the h1 tags in sales letter need to be centered including the headline, all are not centered

    For only $65.77 you can get instant access to Push Button Channel, not sure if this means I get my own channel or is this a product? It implies i get a channel?

    You need testimonials.

    The font is a little to small

    Above step 2 is ? why?

    Step 2 generate your live custom streaming video channel is not clear to me, so lets say i generate this channel, now what? Does that mean we create an acct at ex: ustream or video hosting site?

    Step 3

    after we create the template and upload, how do we add the video? At what point do we add the video embed code?

    the green order button is ugly, like the streaming movie the exorcist… pea soup green..afraid to touch the button…if you click that ugly green button it will unleash…

    no mention of what equipment I will need to set up my own videos, just a webcam and headset?

    what about lighting, background, green screen, video editing software, tripod, actual camcorder instead of webcam

    no ps

    no bonuses

    The gurantee needs to stand out and like a seal of gurantee

    The headline states most of all its a FREE service…so you read the sales letter thinking its FREE….only to get to the $65.77 ugly green order button

    You need conclusion explaining how this free service works and how this is a paid course… not sure how the free service works…clarify..empathize…offer solution..

    PS – sorry santos for harsh critique

    Robert Reuter "Black Belt Bob"
    http://www.SuperAffiliateTV.com

  58. Hey, M and Santos –

    With all due respect to you, it best serves you to be as honest as M and others were with me when I did my first sales letter.

    "It sucks. Redo it" …

    "It’s s total flop. Rewrite it" …

    Ted Nicholas told me that my product was world class but my copy and headline were "weak and pathetic" … and then he helped me for free…

    That said, your letter to me is boring. It was almost hard for me to read it all…

    No cadence…

    No pizzazz…

    No journey you took me on…

    Not even a strong stab at the AIDA methodology as far as I can see…

    Is your number one strongest benefit right at the top of the sales letter?

    It is almost more like a class report than a sales letter.

    Where it the tease? The intrigue? The provocativeness? The urgency?

    You never exposed my pain and made me bleed worse… and you never poured chunky salt in my wounds and made me cry… and I don't see you as my savior who has come to rescue me from my pain…

    I did not see your guarantee.

    There is no PS at the end of your letter.

    There are no fast action bonuses…

    The headline at the top of the page is too long; the subheads are too generic and anemic…

    The font usage is IMO wrong and inconsistent

    [The screenshots and graphics look great, though...]

    There are no testimonials…

    I could go on and on, but you get the picture. I do congratulate you on your first effort. Like about 100% of all copywriters, you did your best and it is a wonderful beginning — a jumping off point…

    That said, again like other copywriters – now it’s time to step away, look at it with fresh eyes, see if it is a good message to market match… and see if it also is compelling in the "What's in it for me?" category…

    Would you say that when you finish reading your letter you're just dying to own the product? Will your life be incomplete if you don’t have it?

    You catch my drift here…

    Once again, bravo — and I hope my gentle but honest comments will help you, and reinforce some things M has probably told you, and overall you'll be a better writer for considering these comments and suggestions.

    All the best to you both -

    Chip Tarver
    http://www.FirstContactSecrets.com

    PS – read and reread M’s sales letters. Write them out by hand for practice. Feel the experience and learn it. M’s a master at this stuff…

  59. I would add additional purchase buttons. include a button after explaining each benefit. People need to be asked multiple times before they buy. My suggestion is to have at least seven benefits followed by a short but "i need to have it" description followed by a purchase button (not link but button).

  60. 1. The banner is to high, reduce it to fit more copy into the fold.

    2. Add a picture with the headline. This is always a good response booster for headlines.

    3. It appears to be anew product so feature this fact in the headline. Research shows that when "new" is used to communicate a legitimate innovation, response increases.

    4. Feature what the product is about – live video streaming – in the headline, rather than burying it in the body copy. This pure benefit based copy is only good when you are trying to appeal to people who have low "involvement" in the product itself. I believe yuor target market in this case is a bit more educated, therefore need a more product orientated headline, not just empty benefits.

    5. I'd try to weave an amazing case study (story) into the copy to demonstrate the benefits. Tis would also be a good "hook" to get readers involved. I'd then support it with research and statistics etc. Right now, I don't think you have convinced me enough that I need it in the first place.

    6. Use a web video to demonstrate the product, its features and how it works (particularly how easy it is). I think this would be better than copy and pictures.

    7. Provide a picture of a software box. This helps create "imagery" in the prospects mind and has been proven to boost response by up to 200% in some cases.

    8. Are you using a name squeeze with this? If not, why not embed an email lead offer on the sales page or as a pop-in.

    9. Feature the guarantee more in the copy.

    10. More testimonials.

    11. More bonuses.

    12. More urgency in the offer (if possible).

    13. Use a PS to recstate the offer.

    14. Maybe use a comparative advertising table to compare products and features to doing this all manually.

    15. Add a testimonial next to the order link to keep prospects excited at this crucial point.

    16. Add "Visa, Mastercard, Paypal" etc logos under the order link so people know what they can use (frome xperience, this can save you answering email questions later).

    17. I like to also put a picture of the product near the order link to once again reinforce imagery at this important point.

    18. if this is for video, why feature a microphone in the banner? Why not a video camera or screen instead?

    19. Split the paragraphs up. No more than 4 lines each (people tend to skip over long paragraphs).

    20. Only go around 80 characters wide… people don't like reading any wider than this (research proves this).

    21. Interupt the reader with underlining, bold, highlights, handwriting etc. Thjis will keep them reading.

    22. Use red as the Johnson box around the order link. Red "excites" readers more than plain blue.

    Woops… that's it… Wish I could give you more but the wife is calling me off the computer. Otherwise, 5 out of 10, which is pretty good for a first timer! Well done!

  61. OK, here are 7 we found from a quick scan through your sales letter.

    1. 121 day guarantee should be one of the highlighted features (it is not seen until I get to the bottom and it blends in…now this can work, depending on who you are targeting…but if you are sending this to markers, of course, the 121 day guarantee should be a highlighted benefit.

    2. missing the word "easy" in the headline.

    3. tell me "why" this is free (free makes me skeptical, what's the catch?).

    4. Headline is missing: …"in 3 easy steps"…

    5. should emphasize the savings you receive by investing in push button channel.

    "Let me ask you this, if you have a professional designer design a template for you and create it in 24 hours, how much would it cost you?

    In my experience, it will probably cost you around $100 for one design, but as freelance designers"… ETC.

    6. what is the value of the quick start call and why should I attend this call?

    7. Santos's:

    "Just log in to http://www.getyoursupport.com, fill out a trouble ticket, click send and we will give you 100% money… no questions asked, guaranteed."

    Suggestion:

    "Just log in to http://www.getyoursupport.com, fill in a trouble ticket, click send and we will refund 100% of your money… no strings-attached, no-hassles, no questions asked, it is this simple – guaranteed."

  62. Way too much complex copy for simplicity

    of the concept.

    You could capture tons of buyers with a simpler sales page and a much lower initial price for, perhaps a limited version of product, initially.

    Once you capture a buyer, this would be a great funnel to lead to sales of fuller versions and much more sales.

    Have a look at Russel Brunsons funnel concept and philosopy.

    Best Regards,

    Norm Abbott

  63. It would be easier for me to read the salesletter if the website (table) was narrower. It is hard for my eyes, like it would be nice with more space around. It could be me …

    No PS.s ? I never read a long salesletter unless it is a catchy story.

    Cheers

  64. Santos,

    Good success in your new position.

    My top comment!!; the headline does not jump off the screen…I think it needs less words and increased a little.

    Best regards,

    Shane.

  65. I have a couple of suggestions that could help to make this sales letter better … first, I think the text is a little bit difficult to read because of how "tight" the line spacing is. It needs to be spaced out a little better, or perhaps a few more images could be used to add more white space and "breathing room" to the copy. Secondly, I think the sales letter needs at least one or two more testimonials to give it more credibility. It might also even be a good idea to create a demo video (1-2 minutes) that shows the Push Button Templates in action. Lastly, I think the guarantee needs to made more prominent – it needs to really stand out!

  66. I love the idea, templates are really cool and obviously the tutorials will help (even thought the service is dead simple.

    About the sales letter, even though I know this service it took me the headline and 1 paragraph to catch it was video. By the graphics I first thought it was a streaming audio thing.

    Until 1/4 through the page I see you're going to help me get my own custom channel up and running.

    Personally I think ppl are camera shy even more on a one way broadcast. I think an interview with tips on how to look and sound your best would be comforting (not that will really help, only practice does that) but I think that would be the selling point for me a couple of interviews or videos of ppl who use it explaining how, their results and tips.

    Cheers,

    Richard

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